Teaching, learning and yearning

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but I teach a small jujutsu club. That club is something that I’m passionate about, something that I enjoy immensely.

Being the sensei is one of my most challenging and exciting tasks each week. Not because I lack the knowledge, although I do feel like that is true, and not because I’m not strong, which I also feel is true, but because I lack the confidence to put those things entirely aside and focus on what’s going on.

This means that I often end up stuttering or otherwise losing my focus on the mat. And when we are fighting that shows most.

In training situations, where we are looking at moves, going over techniques, figuring out counters and blocks I feel at home. My mind can immediately pull out something that will work and walk everyone through it. There is no lag time, the thought is just there.

But in a fight (on the mats in this case, I haven’t ever really fought off it) I doubt myself, I tell myself that the other person probably knows better than me, that they will counter whatever I try. And so in a way I freeze, unable to move forward in case I give my opponent the opening they’re looking for. This of course leads to my eventual defeat, especially if my opponent is stronger in one aspect or another of the art.

Which leads to my next point. I have a few students who are from different backgrounds. Now, most of them I can easily move around and outmanoeuvre  and outwit, but there are a couple who learn so quickly that if you get them once, the next time they’ll know that move and put it right back on you.

This is great for me.

My learning was cut short quite abruptly. I feel like I know practically nothing even now and so when one of my students starts to think the same way I do, I feel great. For one thing, my teaching provided a base for them to build from and they’ve built that well. For another it means that I can learn with them. They think differently and so when I might go one way, they’ll go another, and so instead of having one way to counter something, we suddenly have two.

This is my favourite part of running my club, that constant knowledge that as we all progress, we all help each other.


Now onto the last topic, yearning. It’s got nothing to do with the above but tonight I went over to one of my student’s house and we all shared a drink (the entire club.) It was a great experience but while I was there, I ignored my phone.

Unfortunately that meant that I didn’t respond to messages until I got home, and since those messages are my only means of communication with my other, it means I felt very, very cut off, especially since two of my students had their significant others there.

Now that I’m home though and I’ve replied I haven’t gotten a reply back. It’s conceivable that she’s gone to bed, but in the back of my mind I worry, my paranoia kicks in in a big way. What if she’s angry with me? What if something’s happened to her.

I know it’s stupid but those thoughts are the ones I am dealing with right now and I thought it might help to get them out.


The beginning… sort of

So, I’m no stranger to wordpress. Having hosted it myself a few times and using the site once (on which note, that page disappeared, along with my account :P), I can safely say I understand the concept if not the inner workings of it. (Yet.)

But I’m hoping that this time it might go a little bit better. I have a friend, someone who I think is amazing and who’s just starting out on wordpress. Her blog is here: Modern Day Grind. I’m hoping that seeing her post will get me posting and maybe then I’ll get into the habit of writing more regularly and maybe, just maybe I’ll learn to finish the stories I write 😛


Right, so, where to start…

I’m hoping that this blog becomes a look into my mind, both the everyday life bit as well as the fictional processes inside my head. Essentially, wherever my mind wanders it’ll end up here. So…

I teach a small Ju Jutsu club, we normally have between four and eight members and I enjoy both the teaching and learning aspects of the art. Currently we’re training at a community club which has just gotten a new chairman and until today I was worried that he would essentially force us to move on again. Now I make a fairly impressive loss on the club, it’s not exactly meant to make money, to me it’s a way of sharing the art with others and that is something that I’ve always been keen to do.

With the prospect of having to formalise a new agreement, one that might cost far more than the previous one, is not exactly a prospect that I’m enjoying.

However, the club being what it is it’s one of the best places I’ve taught or trained at and I think in the long run it might absolutely be worth it, I’ll just have to actually start charging more and remembering to collect what is due.


Beyond that at the moment I recently (yesterday) floated through my twenty ninth birthday. I say floated through because there were no celebrations, no big moments of “I’m another year older,” and I worked so hard that by the end of the day the only reason I knew I was still awake was because I was physically still moving. Not exactly fun.


On the fictional side I’m discovering bits about one of my recurring characters. The characters in my stories are pretty much all shared between stories. They are generally very similar in each story and tend to play similar roles every time. As such, they have their ‘origin’ stories. The stories which defined them and led them along the path to who they truly are. Skeksys’ story was the first I wrote, the first story I actually ever really wrote that went beyond the three hundred and fifty words of a school essay and he will always have a special place in my head.

He’s not however the character I’m discovering at the moment. Instead it’s one of his ‘sons’. (They aren’t actually related but more often than not Skeksys plays a father figure to this other character.) I had an image of him yesterday, one that actually sent a shiver through me because it made his entire character make sense. I’m hoping to write it out when I eventually get some time and who knows, it might actually show up on here 🙂


Anyway, that’s all for now. Hopefully the next post won’t be too far away. (And it’ll probably have a fair amount to do with web hosting since that’s what I’m currently working on. :P)