So, let’s start with the first one.
For the first time in many years I’ve rejoined the ‘competitive’ gaming scene. It’s something that I’ve thought of a few times before but after a couple of rather horrendous experiences I ended up dropping away from it and never really looking back.
A series of events lately saw me give it a go again. On one hand I played online matches in Dota (which although not strictly speaking competitive, it is pretty nerve-wracking even in the pub matches) and on the other I played two competitive matches of CS:GO. Now this second one is a big deal to me because way back in the day (CS 1.6 era) I actually did play in a couple of tournaments and we did fairly well.
As for how I’ve been doing so far… Dota I’ve won one match out of I don’t even know how many.
CS:GO we’ve won two out of the two matches I’ve played. And what’s more is that I wasn’t as useless as I thought I would be.
I’ll admit that I was in the lower half of the ten players, but for someone who has played a total of 16 hours of CS over the last five or more years I reckon that’s not a bad place to start (since I wasn’t dead last by a long way)
So that’s progress.
As for weakness it’s the opposite end of the spectrum. That side of me that’s screaming that I’m not good enough, that I should just give up on both of those things and leave it to the ‘pros’. It’s stupid and I know that if I actually give it some time I’ll end up back at where I was all those years ago, heart pounding as we face off against a team that’s coordinated and deadly.
But for now I wonder whether the people I’m playing with would be better off without me. In Dota I can’t entirely dismiss that thought, especially considering my very poor win rate at the moment, but in the end it boils down to experience. Most of the people I know that play the game have played more hours than me in a smaller amount of time and so they understand the meta, they understand which heroes are strong and which are weak, how to counter the ones I pick and which ones are insignificant enough not to even worry about.
But then again, if I never try, I’ll never learn. So for now, I’m going to keep playing, throwing myself against the wall that is the enemy teams and hopefully I deal enough damage to it to eventually break through.