Tonight has been an interesting night on the back of a hectic week. Tonight I explained my a couple of my deepest issues and their sources, I spoke about how various triggers affected me and found out how many things affected others.
I ate way too much and regretted it for a while but that’s generally what comfort eating does to a person.
Which leads almost perfectly onto the actual subject of this post.
Comfort is one of those things that people can not live without. I’m not talking nice furniture and other ‘physical’ comfort items. I’m talking more about the mental state the people can end up in.
Comfort is absolutely necessary for someone to move forward. If a person is uncomfortable in a situation, they will fight, and squirm and try and find a way out of it.
If they’re comfortable however they’ll be open to moving forward and so are more likely to do so.
To me one of the things that I need before I become comfortable is trust and I think tonight I saw that more than ever.
I trust people implicitly. I believe that they would never intentionally hurt me. It’s naive and stupid but I like thinking that and it allows me to form relationships far quicker than otherwise.
Unfortunately it also means that when the betrayal eventually comes I get caught completely off guard by it and so I get hurt fairly easily.
At this point this has happened all my life. Luckily I was always ‘scary’ enough not to be pulled into one of the more elaborate bullying pranks, but people were quick to find out secrets from me and then exploit them.
Nowadays things are better, I’ve learnt how to turn that exploitation inwards and use it against who ever is trying to work on me. But that’s still not an ideal situation.
Slowly I’m working my way to a middle ground, somewhere where I can happily live and not have to worry about the horribleness of people.
One day I’ll find that space.