Time

Time can be such an interesting subject to think about. Even on its own it can provide an inquiring mind with enough questions to keep them busy for a lifetime. Today though time comes to mind in a number of mundane ways.

The time we spend asleep is madness, and yet without that ‘lost’ time the time we are actually keeping track of becomes less and less attractive. So to gain good time you have to lose enough time to be able to see the good time.

On the subject of sleep, the last week and a bit were not great. Between the nightmares and not being able to fall asleep those good times above were becoming fewer and fewer. Last night was different though. I managed to get to sleep soon after I climbed into bed and the dreams I had, although they are currently plaguing my waking mind, were sort of pleasant.

The dreams involved someone who I didn’t expect, in ways that I did not envisage. Now normally at this point people assume the dodgy but it wasn’t like that. It was just strange. (Wonderful and comfortable but because of who it was it was strange. And again, not because I wouldn’t consider what happened in the dream but because I haven’t.)

Which comes back to time. Is time the difference between reality and dream reality? I could hope, but should I? Do I want to? Of that I’m not sure and that answer will only come with time.

On a different note running out of time has been a part of my life at the moment. Not directly, and not even partially directly. Someone who is close to someone I am close to. It’s difficult to deal with because I can see the pain it’s causing. But you never wish for the person to die, even though you know that’s the best way forward.

Time has also gotten in the way of late. Or rather, a lack of free time. There were plans made, assumptions on the quantity of time available that ended up being wrong. In this case I was not to blame, which is always nice, but on the other hand it meant that the disappointment was mine and that wasn’t great. Still, I’d rather be disappointed than disappoint someone else.

In other places the time isn’t available in the first place. Plans have to be made around weird schedules and those weird schedules have to be arrived at after checking times with a number of people all working those weird schedules. It makes relaxing into something you can all collectively enjoy challenging.

Outside of the subject of time there is someone who I ‘met’ who I would love to know more about, but how do I approach this person considering they are a waitress at a cafe? If it were a bar, it’d be easier, but being a cafe there’s a certain level of etiquette that I don’t know if I’d be violating by asking for her number.

On the other hand I could give her mine and hope but then I’d sit and I’d stew and I’d work one of my webs which would lead to issues for myself in the long run. Is it worth it? I know nothing about this girl other than her name, that she’s cute and that what I’ve seen of her personality is intoxicating.

The other question is am I just lonely?

Back to time again, I’m considering setting targets for blog posts as well as changing the publishing schedule of The Fallen. Maybe moving blog posts to once a week and The Fallen to twice a month. Once on the tenth and again on the twenty-fifth for example. Not immediately, I first want to hit the end of Chapter Six and with it the six months writing mark.

And finally (off of time) so many of my thoughts are not thoughts, they’re actions. Not physically, physically there is no sign of the action in my head but often when I am rambling on about this and that be it on this blog or in life I tend to imagine certain gestures. I never know whether I should include them or not. Once upon a time I did, all the time, back in the days of Gaia online and Fae and Angel of Hope. I miss those times even though I’ve kept in contact with both of those people. They are more amazing today than they were even then but sometimes I just want to be like I was again.

Naive and just me without filters.

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