Exhaustion

Life always has a way of catching up to you eventually. Whether it’s in a good or a bad way depends on what it’s catching up to. This isn’t to say that everything we get we deserve but at the same time everything does eventually happen for a reason.

And whether you believe that that reason is ordained by God or a god, or otherwise by a random series of events that dictates which of the multiverses we exist in that’s up to you.

The last two weeks have been long. A lot has gone wrong, some things that I fully had control over, some that I helped cause and many things that happened without any warning or reason.

Workwise it’s been full work days and late hours. This isn’t too bad, it’s engaging and I enjoy the challenges that lead to having to keep going beyond closing. It’s one of the reasons I love my job. It is tiring though and today it caught up with me. I got home, ate and then passed out. I don’t know what time I did, but I woke up a little while ago feeling groggy and disoriented.

This is probably a side effect of the fact that over the last few days I haven’t been sleeping well. Although I’ve been asleep earlier than usual on a couple of occasions (and the usual time the others) I still wake up feeling like I haven’t slept. I’m hoping I manage to catch up over the next couple of days without throwing my entire pattern out of sync.

Emotianally things have not been great. I got told I was selfish and manipulating by someone I care about deeply. It actually really hurt, even if I could understand why my actions could have been seen as selfish I still don’t understand how the jump was made to me being manipulating. It was a shot that I couldn’t actually just ignore, one that took the whole situation from being manageable to me feeling like nothing more than a punching bag.

For the first time in a long time it’s made me protect myself.

Hopefully Sunday changes that. I’m going to be going to play board games for the first time in far too long with people who are absolutely amazing. I’m sure it’ll be great, these games always are but it will be the first time I’m playing them with people who aren’t necessarily gamers of some form.

Let’s hope it goes well.

 

((As an aside my project is floating around in my mind at the moment with a couple of interesting ideas but I haven’t been able to put them to paper yet. Looking forward to that 🙂 ))

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