I’ve always known that I’ve got a problem. One that drags me deep down into the abyss of pain and self-pity that people call depression. It’s something that my family has experienced for as long as I can remember, to the point where various institutionalisations have happened as well as various forms of semi-torturous treatments.
Personally I’ve gone for neither. I generally just ride it out, wait for it to pass, smile at those around me and keep going.
Sometimes someone spots it. Sometimes they only think they do and they end up driving me deeper into it in an attempt to help something they do not understand.
I have certain triggers, not ones for this feeling, no. That would be too easy. Triggers that any other time are mild annoyances, or incredibly frustrating, but ones that nevertheless drive me downwards at an ever increasing pace if I get anywhere near where I am currently.
The last couple of days have not been good as far as those triggers are concerned, the feeling had engulfed me soon after the last post.
I’m fighting the urge to just delete this post, rationalise the deletion by saying no one wants to hear the whining. But I know there’s at least one person out there that’s going to want to actually see this, so, for them at the very least, I’ll post it.
Who knows… Maybe it’ll help me too.